Sunday, April 18, 2004
Movie roundup.
Some quick reviews of movies I've seen the past couple of weeks:
And Now Ladies and Gentlemen (2002): Jeremy Irons is a clever master-of-disguise jewel thief. No - wait it's about this female lounge singer with a brain tumor. But no, Jeremy has a brain tumor too. And what about Jeremy's "wife" and the guy with the boat? A strange, all-over-the-place movie with a strange, all-over-the-place title. Rating: 58.
B. Monkey (1998): Speaking of strange titles, this one's about a glamorous young female thief nicknamed B. Monkey (Asia Argento) who decides to settle down with Jared Harris' strait-laced elementary school teacher. But try as she may to stay out, her former partners in crime (including Rupert Everett, in his stock role as a gay, blase wastrel) keep pulling her back in. A rather ludicrous plot, but some interesting moments. And it helps that Argento is naked for what seems to be half the film. Rating: 65.
Holes (2003): My young son wanted to watch this one, and given that it looked to appeal to a slighter older age group, I watched it myself. Above-average kids flick, with Jon Voight a hoot as a tough-as-nails "warden", and Henry Winkler as a doddering inventor. He's not the Fonz any more. Rating: 70.
Billy Elliot (2000): 11-year-old working class English boy wants to be a ballet dancer. Hard-ass striking coal miner dad says no, the son must be "some kind of poof". Tears and triumph follow. Been there, seen that (Brassed Off, The Full Monty, etc.). Rating: 55.
Blind Horizon (2004): Val Kilmer is an amnesiac assassin. Assassins sure suffer a high rate of amnesia in films (cf. The Bourne Identity, The Long Kiss Goodnight), don't they? Perhaps they need a better medical plan. Meanwhile, Neve Campbell is The Woman Who Isn't What She Seems, and Sam Shepard is the local sheriff trying to put it all together before the President comes to town. Yawn. Right now, I'm wishing I could be an amensiac. Rating: 42.
Broadway Danny Rose (1984): The slight Woody Allen film received quite a bit of praise at the time. Maybe it's having seen most of his movies from the last 20 years in between, but his schtick is wearing thin to me, and there weren't any laugh-out-loud moments. The framing device for the film was a bunch of real-life Borscht Belt comics gathered around telling the story of Rose. Interestingly, the comic doing most of the storytelling was Sandy Baron, known to a wider audience as Jack Klompus, Morty Seinfeld's condo arch-enemy. Rating: 50.
Comic Book Villains (2002): Donal Logue and Michael Rappaport are comic store owners fightning over who gets the buy the valuable collection of Eileen Brennan's late son. Hijinks abound, then things get really nasty when Logue hires Cary Elwes as muscle to break in Brennan's house and steal the collection. Cary Elwes? Muscle? Yeah, I was wondering the same thing. And did Natasha Lyonne have breast reduction surgery? Thinking back to Slums of Beverly Hills, where one of the story lines was about how large her breasts had become at a young age, and seeing her in this movie in a low-cut dress with not a lot to write home about, I have to wonder. Anyway, the movie stunk. Rating: 41.
Haunted Mansion (2003): Another kid request. Eddie Murphy has become the Fred McMurray of his generation with all of these harmless kids movies he's been in, although he does get to a bit of his fast-talking comedy schtick early in the film as a hustling real estate agent. Otherwise, it's downhill from there, with the only redeeming feature being the singing busts. (I'm talking about heads on statues). Rating: 44.
Days of Heaven (1978): Always wanted to see this legendary Terence Malick film, and it didn't disappoint. Watching a Malick film is a bit like watching a movie that's 1/3 plot, 1/3 The Discovery Channel, and 1/3 voice-over philosophical musings. But it works, and makes for an unforgettable movie experience. And it's a blast seeing Richard Gere and Sam Shepard so young. A classic. Rating: 89.
Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (2003): Nothing to say about this one that hasn't been said a hundred times by a hundred different people, other than, yes, I enjoyed it., yes, it had too many endings (almost 25 minutes of anti-climax), and yes, I still think Sam and Frodo are secret lovers, even if they did make a point of marrying off Sam at the end. Still a grand spectacle that you really don't see any more. Rating: 84.
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And Now Ladies and Gentlemen (2002): Jeremy Irons is a clever master-of-disguise jewel thief. No - wait it's about this female lounge singer with a brain tumor. But no, Jeremy has a brain tumor too. And what about Jeremy's "wife" and the guy with the boat? A strange, all-over-the-place movie with a strange, all-over-the-place title. Rating: 58.
B. Monkey (1998): Speaking of strange titles, this one's about a glamorous young female thief nicknamed B. Monkey (Asia Argento) who decides to settle down with Jared Harris' strait-laced elementary school teacher. But try as she may to stay out, her former partners in crime (including Rupert Everett, in his stock role as a gay, blase wastrel) keep pulling her back in. A rather ludicrous plot, but some interesting moments. And it helps that Argento is naked for what seems to be half the film. Rating: 65.
Holes (2003): My young son wanted to watch this one, and given that it looked to appeal to a slighter older age group, I watched it myself. Above-average kids flick, with Jon Voight a hoot as a tough-as-nails "warden", and Henry Winkler as a doddering inventor. He's not the Fonz any more. Rating: 70.
Billy Elliot (2000): 11-year-old working class English boy wants to be a ballet dancer. Hard-ass striking coal miner dad says no, the son must be "some kind of poof". Tears and triumph follow. Been there, seen that (Brassed Off, The Full Monty, etc.). Rating: 55.
Blind Horizon (2004): Val Kilmer is an amnesiac assassin. Assassins sure suffer a high rate of amnesia in films (cf. The Bourne Identity, The Long Kiss Goodnight), don't they? Perhaps they need a better medical plan. Meanwhile, Neve Campbell is The Woman Who Isn't What She Seems, and Sam Shepard is the local sheriff trying to put it all together before the President comes to town. Yawn. Right now, I'm wishing I could be an amensiac. Rating: 42.
Broadway Danny Rose (1984): The slight Woody Allen film received quite a bit of praise at the time. Maybe it's having seen most of his movies from the last 20 years in between, but his schtick is wearing thin to me, and there weren't any laugh-out-loud moments. The framing device for the film was a bunch of real-life Borscht Belt comics gathered around telling the story of Rose. Interestingly, the comic doing most of the storytelling was Sandy Baron, known to a wider audience as Jack Klompus, Morty Seinfeld's condo arch-enemy. Rating: 50.
Comic Book Villains (2002): Donal Logue and Michael Rappaport are comic store owners fightning over who gets the buy the valuable collection of Eileen Brennan's late son. Hijinks abound, then things get really nasty when Logue hires Cary Elwes as muscle to break in Brennan's house and steal the collection. Cary Elwes? Muscle? Yeah, I was wondering the same thing. And did Natasha Lyonne have breast reduction surgery? Thinking back to Slums of Beverly Hills, where one of the story lines was about how large her breasts had become at a young age, and seeing her in this movie in a low-cut dress with not a lot to write home about, I have to wonder. Anyway, the movie stunk. Rating: 41.
Haunted Mansion (2003): Another kid request. Eddie Murphy has become the Fred McMurray of his generation with all of these harmless kids movies he's been in, although he does get to a bit of his fast-talking comedy schtick early in the film as a hustling real estate agent. Otherwise, it's downhill from there, with the only redeeming feature being the singing busts. (I'm talking about heads on statues). Rating: 44.
Days of Heaven (1978): Always wanted to see this legendary Terence Malick film, and it didn't disappoint. Watching a Malick film is a bit like watching a movie that's 1/3 plot, 1/3 The Discovery Channel, and 1/3 voice-over philosophical musings. But it works, and makes for an unforgettable movie experience. And it's a blast seeing Richard Gere and Sam Shepard so young. A classic. Rating: 89.
Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (2003): Nothing to say about this one that hasn't been said a hundred times by a hundred different people, other than, yes, I enjoyed it., yes, it had too many endings (almost 25 minutes of anti-climax), and yes, I still think Sam and Frodo are secret lovers, even if they did make a point of marrying off Sam at the end. Still a grand spectacle that you really don't see any more. Rating: 84.
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